Had a weird past few days. Went out for the first time in two weeks on Friday and just felt shitty the entire time. Thought I would feel really good after, seeing as I hadn’t been anywhere or seen anyone, except work and work people, for two weeks, but I came home feeling really weird and sick.
My mum and dad went away on their anniversary on Saturday for 5 days, and I ended up ringing my mum because no one else was picking up their phones, and I think I pretty much ruined their time away, as they had to come home early yesterday because I couldn’t deal with being on my own anymore.
You would think I was 10 not 23. I hate it that I can’t be on my own for 5 days, it’s not like I really talk to my mum or dad, I just like knowing there is someone in the house with me. This basically ruins the idea of moving away, at least for awhile, if I can’t cope with being on my own for more than a day.
I had met up with an old school friend on Sunday night and actually had a really good night though. We are talking more and seeing each other every week or so. It feels nice to have her to talk to again as well, she tends to set me straight and stop being such a drama queen about stuff. It’s nice to have someone to bring you back down to Earth sometimes.
Haven’t been to work all week, I know I’ll have to go tomorrow, my mum is being patient with me about it, but I know she wants me to at least go and try and be there. I just can’t hack having to sit across from someone who blatantly has a problem with me. But she won’t actually say anything out loud to me, and I’m too much of a wimp to ask, so I am equally to blame for it not being spoken about. Just it’s getting in the way of work now and I think all I can really do is leave and find a new job.
Reading through all of this, it all sounds so daft and unimportant issues. I guess I am a drama queen and I need to give myself a mental shake and get on with it. Just trying to keep in mind things can and will get better, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
February 29th 2012
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