I know my last post was really dramatic and well depressing, for lack of a better word. I am feeling a lot more positive at the moment. I was having a bit of a moment last week, and I just let things get to me that I shouldn’t of.
Sometimes I care a whole lot that I don’t have John and that we will probably never be together again. But then sometimes I shock myself and think actually, no I like who I am now, and to be with John would probably change me again, and I’m not so sure I want that. I don’t always know if how I feel about him is true or it’s my depression and my head playing tricks on me. That isn’t how to build a relationship, and if he were to ask me to get back with him I would have to say no. I can’t fuck with someone’s heart like that, it’s not fair, and just because he did it to me, doesn’t make it okay for me to do back.
Anyway I’m feelng positive. I have just bought a new car, well it’s not brand new, it’s a 1988 vw mk2 golf. I’ve named him Frank. It was sad getting rid of my old one, which was called Trevor, but it needed to be done. It wasn’t worth spending the £500 it was going to cost to MOT, so I sold it for scrap, and got Frank. Happy times.
Been thinking a lot about friends as well. The friend that apologised for being a dick has now started being a dick again. My best friend said I should ask what her problem is, but to be honest I don’t care. I’m done with her now. I told her when she apologised that it was stupid not to just come to me with her problem instead of just telling me she could no longer be my friend, and she agreed. Now it appears she is doing the same again. People will only change if they truly want to, and I guess she doesn’t. I don’t consider her an important friend anymore, and well I am a lot happier without her. It’s not nice to admit, but it’s true.
July 31st 2012