“To reach up for the new, you must let go of the old. What lies behind you is not nearly as important as what lies in front of you. Everything you’ve been through was preparation for where you are right now”
—Joel Osteen
April 2012
78 posts
I met a guy in town a couple of weekends ago. We’ve been talking a fair bit since then, and well I’m kinda starting to like him. Is that weird that I’ve only met someone once and I like them a fair bit already? I really don’t want to get carried away and excited if nothing ever comes of it.
Thing is with guys, is getting to know them is fun, I like talking to them, meeting up, all that kinda stuff (not rude stuff, I’m a nice girl, honest!), but then I lose interest and they get boring, or I start noticing stuff about them that really bugs me. I know that’s harsh of me and I’m not really sure why I do it. It took me a long time to get over my ex, but I think I can safely say I’m done there now. In all honesty haven’t seen him for quite a while now, and I dunno if seeing him will change that? I really hope not, I don’t want to be pulled back into that stress anymore. Maybe I like being single too much to give it up for a guy?
Anyway, going to see where things go with this guy. He doesn’t live in Nottingham, he was here on a mate’s stag do. He has already said he would like to come back to see me again. So that must mean he’s interested right? I’m shit at reading men. Just the other day, my mate told me whenever we go town, I have guys swarming round me. I’ve never even noticed this! I just like to meet people and talk to them when I’ve had a few drinks. I don’t generally notice/care if they are male or female, I just like having a chat.
I like this guy though, I know this much.
April 29th 2012
“I promise to plant kisses like seeds on your body, so in time you can grow to love yourself as I love you.”
—Tyler Knott Gregson
“It’s all part of the process, we all love looking down. All we want is some success, but the chance is never around.”
—Morcheeba “Part of the Process”
Feeling really restless at the moment. I’m just kind of wondering around my house looking for something to do, and just kind of picking stuff up, and then getting bored of it. My addiction to The Sims has finally passed, I’m not sure if this is a bad thing, so maybe it hasn’t passed, just gone to sleep for a bit, but now I don’t have anything to do at night! I can’t seem to find a good book to read, and when I do, I was so bored beforehand, it takes me like 2 nights to read and then I’m back to square one on the restless front.
Considering my new meds are supposed to relax me, I don’t feel very relaxed at all, if anything I feel like I have more energy?! I saw my therapist on Monday, and they have decided to up the dose to 50mg. This seems odd to me, seeing as they were stressing about putting me on 25mg in the first place because of the damage it can do to your heart. Sorry I can’t put the name of the meds, not because it’s private or anything. I just haven’t learnt to say it, let alone spell it, yet. Only took me 3 months with my other, so watch this space …
I’ve also noticed that I’ve become a bit of a “collector” (that’s the label I’m sticking to anyway). I’ve started collecting DVD box sets. I guess that’s not that weird on it’s own, but I refuse to buy any of them for full price, and have become obsessed with Amazon’s “new or used” section, and I watch it like a hawk to see if any new bargains pop up for the box sets I’m collecting. I think I’m becoming a little bit like Gollum. Though watching that programme about hoarders (their word, NOT mine) on Channel 4 is enlightening insight into what I could evolve into in the future if I don’t curb this habit soon.
April 26th 2012
“Never underestimate your ability, once we realise that we can survive without people we thought we couldn’t, we should realise that we are stronger than we first thought.”
—(via daytodaypanic)
Why do people pick the worst moments to do something so unexpected?
I’ve been trying to write more for like 30 minutes, but I can’t find the words to express what is going through my head.
I just wish people wouldn’t say one thing and then somewhere along the line completely forget what they said and think they can pick something back up, erasing what was said previously.
I don’t mind talking, I rarely hold a grudge, but acknowledge what was said and sort it out. Don’t just pretend it never happened please.
April 24th 2012
“She did not need much, wanted very little. A kind word, sincerity, fresh air, clean water, a garden, kisses, books to read, sheltering arms, a cosy bed, and to love and be loved in return.”
—Starra Neely Blade
“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book. And then there are books which you can’t tell people about, books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like a betrayal.”
—John Green, The Fault in Our Stars (via ebrietas)
“Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.”
—Bernard Williams
Is it wrong that sometimes I want to shout “Hello??!! I’m right here, I can hear and see what you’re doing, and it makes me feel like shit!” at the people I work with? I mean I might get fired … or sectioned. But I’ll feel better for doing it.
April 19th 2012
“There’s a loneliness that only exists in one’s mind. The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”
—F. Scott Fitzgerald”The Great Gatsby”
I wish I could trust my instincts again, and actually know that what I’m feeling is my instincts and not my paranoia.
Work is such a bitch, not only is it work and dull as shit, but I just don’t know if my colleagues like me or not anymore. When I first came back to work they were so chatty and caring. But now … nothing. Thing is, I know I’ve got paranoid about what people think of me, well more paranoid than the normal amount, and now I just feel like the majority of the world wishes I would go away.
I thought maybe it was because I didn’t speak much, so I joined in today, tried to make conversation, but all I got was like the basic reply and then … nothing. So I just decided to be quiet and get on with my work. Which I don’t exactly hate, I like to just get on with what I’m doing, and my meds mess with my concentration, so I can’t really multi-task. But you know, it feels strained and awkward.
Just wish I knew if that was real, or my vivid imagination of a shit storm taking over.
April 16th 2012
“Sometimes we love people so much, that we have to be numb to it, because if we actually felt how much we love them, it would kill us”
—Fay “Riding in Cars with Boys”
“There’s a reason it’s called “The Family Tree”. Your roots go deeper with them than anyone else, they’re with you in stormy weather, and when you fall they fall too; supporting you all the way.”
—Me
